Affirmation
by Melpomene melancholica
Summary: Uchiha Sasuke discovers he does have a sense of humor. Angst or humor? It depends on the reader.


Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto. Period. 

Note: As can be expected from fanfiction, there will be spoilers, especially from the manga. You have been warned. Comments would be appreciated. Also, I rated this PG-13 mostly for the language and theme. If you think my rating of the story is inappropriate, please tell me. ^_^ TY 

Affirmation

Uchiha Sasuke had a sense of humor. He found that out a while ago when he had been talking with Haruno Sakura in his living room. He told her outright, that no, he didn't want to go to the village celebration, he'd rather kill himself.

And she stared at him in shock--the idiot actually believed. He couldn't help himself. He laughed so hard, he probably busted his guts in several places.

See? Uchiha Sasuke had a sense of humor.

Can you imagine? Him, Uchiha Sasuke, killing himself? It's sheer impossibility! Why, for all these years he had existed so insistently, pugnaciously, scraping strength to live through each day, strength that a thousand shinobi could probably not muster. 

So lowly.

Like a roach.

Isn't it ironic? The vermin could cling to life so obstinately.

But then... why not? Why not die now? He was the avenger. His sole purpose in life was to avenge his clan's death. The vengeance is done. His extended stay was over.

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

He wasn't supposed to linger like this alone.

Of course, he wasn't stupid. The dead cannot be resurrected. The clan of Uchiha stays dead. That's why, as he said, it wasn't supposed to be this way...

Because if the Uchiha clan is dead, what is he?

Sakura, that annoying girl. It's her fault. She scared him. She nagged him. If she didn't insist he go to that stupid celebration, he wouldn't have retorted with such a stupid joke.

Besides, why would he want to go to the celebration in the first place? He would just fade away into the background, oblivious to the noise and color all around him, shut out from the merriment and cheer. Oh, they would try to include him, of course. The other young men would be there, and he'd be cordial, at best, and drink with them to insensibility... But then the older ones would be there, too, to gaze at him thoughtfully when they thought he wouldn't notice, the women to gaze at him with eyes full of pity, and all to gaze with a hint of guardedness.

The boys... The boys who rescued him from the Sound nins, they all survived. The warriors, they who fought Orochimaru, the Akatsuki and their respective minions, many of them are still alive and well. They all said it wasn't his fault. They all said he was used badly. First he was twisted by his brother Itachi, then he was claimed by Orochimaru. Who could resist those two, they say? Who could have helped that?

He wondered sometimes, if behind those words lie accusations...

See? He really, really didn't want to go to that idiot party. That's why he made that stupid joke. Didn't it give Sakura such a turn? It was such a riot seeing her expression.

Then again, if he did say it aloud, maybe there was a seriousness behind those words? Those words... "kill myself," maybe they have hidden meanings? Were they a verbalization of the implied? An affirmation of some forbidden desire?

Hell no. It's impossible. Besides, there's that blonde moron who punched his jaw off five years ago. 

"You owe me–us!-- you, son of a bitch," he had said. "You better not roll over like a pathetic dog and die at some ditch, damn you!"

And what else did that moron say? Something about taking revenge on Itachi by living happily? That made sense, actually, if anything Uzumaki Naruto says or thinks could actually make sense. His brother did want him to live like a worm (who the hell knows for what reason); therefore, living otherwise would be the most contradictory thing to Uchiha Itachi's plans. 

How stupid. All these stupid thoughts because of that annoying girl nagging him. Maybe he just said it to her to get back at her.

See, he asked her. He asked her if she would marry him. That was sound strategy, wasn't it? It fitted that blond ramen-freak's demands on him: live happily, sickly happy like those cloying tv ads with happy families sitting happily through breakfast in the kitchen. But that idiot girl. She turned him down flat.

Ah, no. She looked at him first and asked him if he loved her. Love? Stupid. Who was she kidding? Him, love her?

Stupid girl. He **can't** love. He didn't know how. 

Maybe he was stupid, too. Who was he kidding? Him, live that happy ideal life, sitting there at the head of the breakfast table, totting coffee and newspaper, smiling tolerantly at his children's antics? Jeeze. He can't even fake a convincing smile to make her leave him alone. 

That stupid, stupid girl. That stupid, idiot, moron. 

The worst thing, of course, was she took his joke very seriously. And now, he's locked up under the Godaime's basement. In restraints. Restraints consisting of a straitjacket, shackles, several miles of fuda, and about a volume of jutsu...

Goddammit!

That sick, brainless moron. Of course, he wouldn't kill himself.

He couldn't.

He was too weak to even do that. 

~2004-03-21 01:43:00 


End file.
